| I recently received a question that | | | | of your favorite songs. Get her a gift |
| bears discussion: | | | | that does double-duty. |
| "What types of presents should be given | | | | "What signs should a man look out for to |
| at the beginning of a relationship that | | | | know what present to give? How do you |
| the man hopes to be a serious, lasting | | | | interpret her signals?" |
| love? (and what not to give!)" | | | | A man should show some insight and |
| Generally speaking, a man should not | | | | intelligence in his choice for a gift. |
| give ANY gifts for the first few two or | | | | He should look at the woman's interests |
| three dates. Most guys tend toward "buy | | | | and get her something that stands out. |
| her affections" behavior, where they try | | | | If she's into adventure sports, get her |
| to lock women into an implied commitment | | | | a day pass at a rock climbing gym. If |
| by buying gifts for her far too soon. | | | | she likes music, get her a ticket to a |
| What this really does is scare women | | | | concert. Take a few minutes to think it |
| off. | | | | through and you'll come up with dozens |
| Instead, a guy should save his money to | | | | of good ideas. |
| demonstrate that he's FUN, and then show | | | | The idea here is to be IRREGULAR with |
| her a good time. An example might be to | | | | the timing, and understand the need for |
| get a few rolls of quarters and take her | | | | some variation in the way you gift. It's |
| to the arcade. Or buy her a really nice | | | | less about the "what" than it is about |
| pastry that you can both savor together. | | | | the "when" and "how." Small gifts every |
| Gifts early on should be geared toward | | | | so often are much more effective than |
| enhancing the experience of your time | | | | the large ones. Save the large gifts for |
| together, not to impress a woman. Hold | | | | the big events. |
| off on the flowers and the candy until | | | | He should also watch out for signals |
| you've built up some genuine rapport and | | | | that indicate the woman is a little TOO |
| interest from her, then your gifts will | | | | into getting gifts. If she drops any |
| be appreciated. | | | | overt hints about wanting material |
| After three dates or so, the guy can | | | | gratification, he should run to the |
| then open up a little and maybe get her | | | | nearest exit. |
| a card or some flowers. But the idea | | | | "Is there a time when you really |
| here, again, is to keep it LOW KEY. It's | | | | shouldn't give a gift?" |
| better to under-gift at this point so | | | | Don't give gifts solely to smooth over |
| that he can show thoughtful caution | | | | an error on your part, such as insulting |
| rather than hasty imprudence. | | | | her and expecting to get in her good |
| Remember: It's not the money you spend, | | | | graces again just by sending her candy. |
| but the message you send. | | | | You have to show her some genuine |
| This reader also asked: | | | | remorse with the gift so that it doesn't |
| "What types of presents he should give | | | | come across as just an empty gesture. |
| to show its just a short-term, sexy | | | | Be wary of being the only one in the |
| affair, a fling that will go no further? | | | | relationship buying gifts. She should |
| (and what not to give!)" | | | | buy things for youoccasionally, too - IF |
| For a sexy affair, give sexy gifts! | | | | she's really into you. Demonstrate that |
| Small things like a coupon to fulfill | | | | you can provide, but let her demonstrate |
| her fantasy, or take her to alingerie | | | | she can nurture you back. |
| store to buy a really hot nightie. How | | | | Another time you shouldn't buy her a |
| about a couple of tickets to a steamy | | | | gift is to prompt her for sexual favors |
| movie? | | | | in return. It sets up a bad precedent |
| Do NOT give expensive gifts as they | | | | for you, and it cheapens her. |
| imply a level of commitment that neither | | | | The best rule for gifts is that they |
| party may be willing to make. No jewelry | | | | should always be given with NO |
| or big-ticket items. Keep it tasteful, | | | | expectation of return. Give just for the |
| not trashy. | | | | pleasure of giving and you'll rarely go |
| "What types of presents to give to a | | | | wrong. |
| girl as a sign that now the man is | | | | Remember that when you've got your |
| starting to think more seriously about | | | | self-confidence established, you don't |
| the relationship, and wants to show that | | | | have to worry as much about when and how |
| he hopes it will last?" | | | | to give gifts, because there won't be |
| When it comes time for an anniversary or | | | | any subtext of neediness on your part. |
| some kind of major event, such as | | | | That just means that when you have the |
| Valentine's Day, or a birthday, you're | | | | right Alpha Male vibe to you, a woman is |
| pretty much obligated to step up and | | | | not going to misinterpret the meaning of |
| produce something memorable. I once gave | | | | your gift. She'll understand that it's |
| a girl a naked Barbie doll with a coupon | | | | something she should cherish and not |
| in the box that said I'd buy her (and | | | | take for granted. |
| Barbie) some clothes, as long as I got | | | | On the other hand, if you're giving to |
| to help pick them out. That went over | | | | GET, you're going to have problems. |
| BIG with her. | | | | Women will not want to be with you |
| Another possibility for a good | | | | because you're setting up an agenda, and |
| "relationship" gift is something that | | | | that's the most unattractive thing a |
| links you two together. No, | | | | woman can sense from you. |
| nothandcuffs, or matching T-shirts. I'm | | | | These are some of the pointers I cover |
| talking about something that will keep | | | | in detail in my Secrets of the Alpha Man |
| reminding her of you when you're not | | | | program, available through my web site: |
| around, such as a nice pair of wine | | | | - Carlos Xuma |
| glasses from your trip to visit some | | | | AlphaConfidence. |
| vineyards, or make her a CD with a bunch | | | | |